This word to me is worse than being called a B (I told my mom I wouldn't swear). This word is a judgement based off of uncontrollable biological chemicals that we are taught to be ashamed of. It's a word that a lot of others who actually experience similar battles will use as a defense mechanism against each other. It's easy to say, "Oh she is just crazy" after a misunderstanding because of irrational thought and reaction. It is a word that men use to describe women often if we don't understand their actions, and it is used to guilt those of us who struggle into thinking there is something wrong with us. There is always something wrong with us. Depression and Anxiety are master manipulators and bite at any opportunity to sneak in and diminish our value and worth. They support what is being said and leave an overwhelming weight of disgust and hatred with who we are to deal with.
Crazy is a word that should only be applied in a case of Amber Heard. It does not apply to those of us battling mental health because it is beyond our control. We do not choose to feel or react this way, and even though we fight like hell to keep it in check sometimes it gets the better of us. We do not choose to be unhappy, insecure, lost and unworthy. We do not choose to feel like we don't matter or that no one should want to be around us. We fight this every day, all day, and it is exhausting. There is no miracle pill or quiet.
It has been a huge relief to me for those who have reached out, because it has only helped me realize how many of us deal with this crap. It shows that the world is "crazy" for not acknowledging us as normal. It shows that the world is ashamed of something that so many of us fight silently. The suicide rate continues to grow, and a large part of that is the lack of support to get help. A large part is the shame and embarrassment that we need help. These kids are bullied and when depression convinces you that those bullies are right it becomes darn near impossible to climb out of the dark hole you fell in. I came pretty close to not coming out of that hole, all because I felt like I had to be perfect.
Pressure from social media is really crappy. The need to have a clean and perfect house, smiling children, hair done and make up on is like holding onto an anchor and trying to swim up. Let me tell you this, my kids are not always smiling. I hardly ever do anything with my hair or makeup because it's summer and who cares. My house is a wreck between the 3 dogs, 4 kids, and man child who leaves his crap everywhere. My life is not perfect, and that needs to be okay. We need to start being honest about mental health, motherhood and the many different stages of frustration and grief we feel along the way.
We need to acknowledge that it is hard to lose your identity when you become a mom, especially when you went into it feeling like you were nothing and nobody already. It's hard to smile and feel good when the laundry is in 4 different baskets, 3 hampers, and in the dryer. It's hard to enjoy our kids and just be in the moment when there is so much pressure to be perfect in every aspect of our lives. Mental health aside, motherhood is flipping hard.
So maybe we drop the stigma of perfection. Maybe we stop pretending everything is perfect and our kids only eat organic blah blah. Maybe we accept that it's hard and encourage each other WITHOUT judgement that we can do this. Maybe just maybe we reach out to our friends that we know struggle with this and instead of taking it personally that they have retreated, accept that their mind is telling them that you are better off if they aren't around. Try being compassionate when someone seems "crazy" and actually listen. Sometimes, all someone needs is to be told that they matter and shown a little empathy. Sometimes they need a dirty joke or sarcastic comment to feel normal (guilty). Sometimes they just need anyone to answer.
And for Pete's sake stop calling each other crazy. Mental health is not a choice, it is a war that we fight like heck to survive.
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