I am going to start by saying that I do love being a stay-at-home mom, and I am very grateful that I am able to do it because my husband works so hard. I am grateful to him for making a dream of mine possible. As a child, all I wanted was to be a stay-at-home mom. I loved having my mom there every day, and the extra time I was able to spend with her was one of my favorite things. As I got older it was hard to find someone who fully supported this, so when I met my husband, and he was supportive I knew my dreams were coming true. Now for the brutal honesty I promise. No one prepared me for what being a stay-at-home mom is really like.
Everyone talks about the blessings of motherhood, and how it's the most rewarding thing you can ever do. No one talks about the loss of identity that comes along with it. As moms we are expected to give up a large part of who we are and to fully embrace just being "Logan's mom" instead of actually having a name. In a lot of situations other adults don't even know or remember our names, we are just referred to as (enter child's name) mom. Now I am not saying that this means I am unhappy being a mother, but we as moms forget who we are. It gets to the point where we honestly don't even know who we are.
We watch our husbands go to work and get promotions. We watch as they are continuously told how great they are doing. They get recognition, rewards, and praise. As mothers these moments do not exist. We aren't told we are doing a good job or get any recognition for the day-to-day chores and raising of tiny psychotic humans. We wipe butts, clean up vomit, and get screamed at by tiny minions who make absolutely no sense. Sorry kid that I wouldn't let you jump off the monkey bars at three years old, what a bad mom I am. Sorry I gave you the purple cup instead of the pink, clearly, I am trying to end the world. We are expected to have patience for every tantrum, every mess, and every screaming match between siblings.
How do we maintain patience when we don't even feel like a person anymore? When we are so unsure of who we are and what we want, that we literally fly by the seat of our pants? We hear "mommy" 9,999,999,999,999 times every hour, yet we don't hear our own names once some days. We see articles and social media posts telling us what kind of mothers we should be, and if we don't parent a certain way, we are failing them. We have other mothers judge us when we are at our lowest point and bless our husbands, but they just don't understand. We lose ourselves, and no one seems to care.
This is where a friend of mine gave me a brilliant idea. She suggested I write about how we as mothers can gain our identity back. How we can still find out who we are and what we want while still being a stay-at-home mom. Branch out. There are so many companies that allow you to work from home. It doesn't have to be Pampered Chef like myself, or Beachbody or anything like that. There are other opportunities as well. I know that time is almost nonexistent when you have kids, but we need to make time. We will be better mothers if we take time to also take care of ourselves. Our happiness matters. Our sanity and identity matters. I started writing just to be heard. As I saw people actually start reading my posts, it became a lifeline for me. Helping others feel like they are not alone has helped me realize that I'm not either, that my voice matters. And so does yours.
Take a chance, bet on yourself. Find something, anything that will bring you happiness and give you your name back. Find something that makes you feel heard, recognized and appreciated. Find something that makes you want to hold your head up high again, or for some of us, just help to get out of bed. Seek help and find people who will support and accept you while you try to figure out who you are. Find a place where there are no expectations or judgements, where you get to be yourself with no explanation. Find you again, with no guilt and no apologies. You deserve to find you.
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